


Always Comes Back to You

by lioness44



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aliens, Background Relationships, Canon Compliant, Coming of Age, Curtis backstory, Galaxy Garrison, Kerberos Mission, M/M, Mentioned Adam (Voltron), Operation Lovetron, Pre-Relationship, Realistic, chapter four gets a little racy, fantasies, shiro's father, shiro's husband - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-19 12:20:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17601266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lioness44/pseuds/lioness44
Summary: Writing this because Shiro and Curtis deserve a great love story! It's completely canon-compliant because once something is canon, I have a hard time ignoring it. Ha.Chapter 1 -- Worth Waiting For: (posted separately) shows Curtis, Shiro, and Matt the night before the Kerberos Mission launch.Chapter 2 -- Helpless: Written from Curtis's POV immediately after he sees Shiro, Sam, and Matt get abducted.Chapter 3 -- Firsts: A series of "firsts" written from Curtis's POV that bridge the gap between when the Kerberos crew goes missing to when the paladins are brought back to the Garrison.Chapter 4 -- Lessons: Another "first" as Shiro has a lesson with his hot tutor and finally admits that he's gayChapter 5 -- Shiro doesn't think he's hot ... intervention is requiredChapter 6 -- Curtis wakes up mad at the world, but ends with clarity





	1. Helpless

**Author's Note:**

> Note for Helpless: Even though the Garrison spreads the story that the Kerberos mission failed due to pilot error, we know that a mission control team would have been monitoring them during their travel out to Pluto and during the historic landing. Since Curtis, like Shiro, was a senior officer and he's seen at Sam's side as soon as Sam returns -- in fact, he's the only communications officer in the room when Sam contacts Matt -- it makes sense that he would have been close to Sam in some way, and that he'd have been part of the mission control team that would know the truth about Kerberos. I started to wonder what it would feel like to know the truth about hostile aliens but not be able to tell anyone or do anything about what's happened.

_Helpless_

_God, save us. Save our planet. Save Commander Holt, Matt, and …_

_Shiro._

Curtis hadn’t prayed since he was a child, but now the words twisted from his mouth, forced out by the terror churning in his gut. He’d been on duty for nineteen hours straight, first monitoring the landing of the spacecraft on Kerberos, and then watching helplessly as everything went wrong.

Terribly, horribly wrong.

Now, as he burst out of the command center, he expected the entire world to look different. How could life go on as usual when there were aliens at the very edge of the solar system? Hostile aliens who’d abducted Sam, Matt, and Shiro.

Curtis heaved into a nearby shrub. Nothing came up because he hadn’t eaten anything since ... when? The landing celebration? His mind raced, remembering the cheers when the space craft had touched down on Pluto’s moon. Even though they were all on duty, command had passed around small glasses of champagne and they’d toasted to history being made. Some of the others had taken the chance to make their way to the table that was set up in the back of the room with hors deurves, but Curtis hadn’t wanted to leave his post for fear of missing a single moment.

At the edge of the solar system, Sam, Matt, and Shiro had joined in the toast, lifting foil packets of champagne that command had sent along with them for the occasion and drinking them through straws. They’d laughed and smiled and Curtis had almost felt as if he were right there with them on the ship. After the brief toast they’d gotten to work unloading equipment and setting up the lunar rover. Shiro had taken the first steps onto the moon’s surface: the farthest any human being had ever been from Earth.

He’d sounded _so_ happy.

Over the two months it had taken the crew to reach Kerberos, the three of them had begun to sound a bit flat, tired of the monotony of the long journey, but when Kerberos had come into sight and Shiro had completed the landing procedure, the excitement in his voice …

Shiro’s voice.

Curtis swallowed hard. He could still hear it, pleading with the alien.

_Please, we come from a peaceful planet! We mean you no harm. We’re unarmed!_

And then … a discernable thud. A grunt of pain.

_Take them back to the main fleet for interrogation. The druids will find out what they know._

Now, Curtis stood in the sunlight, paralyzed by the memory. Druids? Interrogation? What the hell was happening?

The communications team had worked so hard to get another signal from the alien ship. Anything. Even the smallest fragment. Curtis had worked until his fingers bled, but after he’d intercepted and decoded that one audio clip, there had been nothing else. Only the vast silence of space and the looming questions that wouldn’t leave his brain.

Terrible, unanswerable questions.

Hours of blood, sweat, and tears had gone into decoding the language of the aliens, and yet Shiro had been able to communicate with them immediately. Why? Had they equipped their captives with some sort of universal translator? How had the aliens made that happen so quickly? What did they hope to learn? Why were they near Pluto in the first place and where the fuck had they gone? Was this the prelude to an invasion?

Curtis might have stood outside the command building all day, paralyzed by the horror of the situation, if Veronica hadn’t found him. Other than Matt, she was his closest friend, and he suspected that it wasn’t mere chance that she was there.

“Curtis,” she breathed. “Thank god I found you. Everybody’s been waiting for you guys to emerge. It’s been freakin’ forever since you --” She stopped, taking in the sight of him. His pale, stricken face. His haunted eyes. Her hand flew to her mouth. “No. Please tell me the rumors aren’t true. They told Adam that the mission was lost, but I can’t believe ... Commander Holt and Matt? Shiro? Are they … ?”

 _Gone?_ Yes. But not lost or dead. Taken.

He sucked in a sharp breath. What could he say to his best friend when she was looking for answers?

Logically, he knew what he was supposed to say. Before they’d been allowed to leave the building, the Kerberos Mission Control crew had been briefed on their approved responses to all questions concerning the Kerberos mission. Everything they’d seen and heard that day had been classified by direct order of the Joint Chiefs. Admiral Sanda was adamant that learning about the existence of hostile aliens who’d abducted three international heroes would result in mass pandemonium. She’d reminded them in no uncertain terms that to reveal classified information was treason.

So, the story would be that the Kerberos mission had been lost due to pilot error. Curtis wanted to scream at the injustice. While Shiro was being interrogated by druids – whatever the fuck those were -- the Garrison was throwing him under the bus. He clenched his jaw so tight his teeth ached.

Tears pooled in the corners of Veronica’s eyes and he knew that she was probably filling in his silence with the most likely story. Something didn’t go according to plan. Human error. Nobody was perfect.

“Something went wrong?” Veronica whispered, prompting him.

Curtis nodded.

“Are they dead?”

The Garrison commanders had set everything up so that it would require a minimal amount of lying. If he didn’t hate them so much right now, he might have thanked them for their thoughtfulness.

“We don’t know for sure.” He forced the words out of his mouth. “We’ve lost contact and … it doesn’t look good.”

“But there’s hope?” Veronica pressed.

Was there? Curtis’s chest ached.

Veronica put both hands on his shoulders, steadying him. “Curtis, I know how close you are to Sam and Matt.” She didn’t mention the crush he’d had on Shiro. “You’ve got to be worried sick. But if anyone can handle something going wrong on a mission, it’s Shiro. We all know that Takashi never gives up. If there is even the smallest chance … he’ll find a way to bring them home.”

That was true. It was part of what Curtis loved about the man.

Curtis knew he couldn’t give up either. Not if there was even a shred of hope. From now on, his job description would include scouring the solar system for signs of alien activity. Any signs at all.

Veronica pulled him into a tight hug, and they held each other close for a long time before she finally let go. “We should go see Colleen and Katie. They’ve got to be devastated.”

Curtis nodded. _Yes._ He needed to see them, but could he lie to Colleen? As one of Commander Holt’s teaching assistants he’d had countless dinners at their house. Spent evenings in the garage tinkering with Sam, Matt, and Katie. Colleen would ask him for every detail of the day’s events. How could he not tell her the truth? Absently, he wondered if it would it be better to think that your husband and son were lost in the darkness of space or better to know that they’d been abducted by aliens?

He almost laughed at the absurdity of the question.

“You go,” Curtis said. “I’ll go soon, but … not yet.”

Veronica nodded. “You’re right. You look like a corpse.”

He felt like one, too.

“Hug them for me,” he said. “Hug them tight.”

“I will. Get some rest.”

They moved down the path towards the officers’ building. When they got there, Veronica gave him one last hug and headed off. Curtis let himself into the building with his swipe card then stopped in his tracks. There were a half dozen officers in the lounge, and they all stood when he walked in, eager for news. It was Adam who approached him first, his face grim, his eyes red-rimmed. He’d clearly been briefed with the official version of events.

“Any news?”

Curtis could only shake his head. He’d never been friends with Adam, but Curtis wouldn’t wish this situation on anyone.

Adam’s face collapsed. “I just don’t understand … Takashi would never make a mistake like that. He’d run the landing drills hundreds of times. How could this happen?”

“He … I don’t … we lost contact …” There were words coming out of Curtis’s mouth, but did they even make sense? He wanted to scream. Here he was, facing Shiro’s ex-lover, telling him one tiny fragment of the truth. His stomach lurched. Any minute now, he was going to be sick again. “I have to …” 

Curtis headed away from the group, down the hall that led to his room. Already, he could hear the other officers surrounding Adam, saying all of the things you’d expect people to say, but Curtis didn’t have the energy to think about anything besides the repeating loop inside his head.

_Please, we come from a peaceful planet! We mean you no harm. We’re unarmed!_

_Take them back to the main fleet for interrogation. The druids will find out what they know._

Curtis lay down on his cot and closed his eyes. The infinite reaches of space stretched out in his mind. Somewhere, right now, the people he loved were in trouble, but Curtis was helpless to bring them home. There was only one thing he could do, and he was desperate enough to try anything.

 _God,_ he prayed, _help them. Please, please, help us all._


	2. Firsts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of "firsts" written from Curtis's POV, bridging the gap between when the Kerberos mission disappears to when the paladins return to Earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually mean for Worth Waiting For to be Chapter One in this series, but I messed up and didn't post stuff right. Oops! So even though it says this is Chapter Two, it's actually Chapter Three.

**Chapter Three**

_Firsts_

 

The first time Curtis knew for sure that someone from the Kerberos mission was still alive was when the “meteor” crashed into the desert next to the Garrison. It was utterly laughable that the Garrison commanders were insisting on calling it a meteor strike. This was the Galaxy Garrison, where cadets trained to be elite space explorers. If they couldn’t tell the difference between a meteor strike and a spacecraft crash landing, then clearly no one had been doing their job.

Of course, most people didn’t see the crash. Nor did they see the hasty quarantine tent. The Garrison called for a lockdown before the spacecraft even hit the atmosphere, but Curtis had been watching the skies. _Listening._ In the past year, he’d become _that guy_. The one everyone whispered about because he worked twelve hour days, seven days a week. Forgot to shower. Didn’t bother cutting his hair. His friends had stopped protesting long ago, and at this point, he suspected most of his peers pitied him.

_Poor Curtis. Can’t get over Kerberos._

No one outside of mission control knew the truth about Kerberos, but the senior officers seemed to understand that they hadn’t been told the _whole_ story. In the past year, all of the funding had shifted from flight to communications. Still, most people’s minds conjured up more basic explanations than an urgent need to monitor alien chatter.

His fellow officers didn’t press him – they all got what classified meant – but they didn’t believe Sam, Matt, and Shiro would return, either. Even Adam had moved on and was seeing someone else. Curtis was surprised when he heard that news, but he supposed he shouldn’t have been. By every calculation, the Kerberos spacecraft would have run out of fuel seventy-four days after it disappeared.

After a year of radio silence, could there be any question that the crew was dead?

Even the other communications officers who were tasked with listening to the alien transmissions (what the hell was Voltron?) weren’t doing it in hopes of recovering the lost crew. They were afraid for planet Earth. Curtis was scared too – terrified, actually -- but he couldn’t let go of the idea that Shiro, Matt, and Sam were still out there.

Somewhere.

Maybe that’s why he brought the monitoring equipment to Keith. He needed to feel like someone else was listening _for them_.

It was Adam who told him about the kid who Shiro had mentored. This was back when the pilots still stood around discussing scenarios where Shiro salvaged the mission _. Shiro could have used Pluto’s gravity to loop the spacecraft back towards Earth. He could have rigged the titanium thrusters._

Now, even Adam thought Shiro was dead.

But the kid – Keith -- hadn’t given up hope, so Curtis had gone out to the boy’s shack in the desert and given him some equipment that he’d “liberated” from the Communications Department. It was old stuff, but why not use it? The more people who were listening, the better, and he had a feeling the boy would be as obsessive as Curtis himself.

 

_“Keith, you don’t know me, but I’m a Communications officer at the Garrison. Adam told me that you’re searching for Shiro, and I thought you might need some higher grade equipment than a cadet could get their hands on. Just don’t tell anyone where it came from, okay?”_

_Keith’s eyes had lit up. “Are you serious? This stuff is for me?”_

_He’d grinned, and Curtis had gotten a feeling that was a rare event. They’d spent the better part of the afternoon going over each piece of tech, making sure that Keith knew how to use them._

_“You’ll tell me if you hear anything, right?”_

_Keith had nodded. “You too?”_

_“Deal.”_

_When Curtis finally got up to leave, Keith had stopped him._

_“You know, Shiro mentioned you before he left. You’re the guy who tutored him in Linguistics his first year at the Garrison, right?”_

_Curtis was surprised that Shiro would have told the kid that information. He usually held things like that close to the vest._

_“Yes. That’s me.”_

_Keith smirked. “He said you were his first serious crush. He’ll kill me for telling you this, but you’re the reason he knew for sure he was gay.”_

_“Me?” Curtis couldn’t help the way his voice rose an octave. His face was on fire. Shiro had never let on. He’d never been anything other than polite or awkward around him, and Curtis had always thought that the awkwardness was because Shiro was ashamed that he’d needed a tutor._

_He wasn’t sure if Keith meant the information as a thank you of sorts, or as an incentive to make sure Curtis wouldn’t give up on Shiro. Maybe both. Either way, it was all Keith was giving out._

_“Yeah.” Keith turned back to one of the monitors. “Thanks for the stuff. When Shiro gets back, it will mean a lot to him that you never gave up.”_

When _Shiro gets back. Not if._

#             #             #

 

The first time Curtis saw Sam, he burst into tears. It was a completely ridiculous, non-military reaction, and he was mortified, but he couldn’t control it. He’d been holding himself together so tightly since the day Sam, Matt, and Shiro were lost that he’d burst at the seams and all the threads of decorum had come unraveled at once.

Sam had been back for a week and a day, but the first week he was under quarantine and the following day he was being debriefed. Curtis desperately wanted in on that meeting, but he didn’t have the clearance. Now, Sam and Colleen wrapped their arms around him and he cried on Sam’s shoulder like a little kid. There was no coming back from the humiliation of sobbing on your Xenology professor. Except Sam and Colleen cried too, so they’d all stood there like a bedraggled mess, and then they’d all started to laugh.

“Matt? Shiro?” Curtis asked when they’d calmed down. “Katie? Lance?”

“All alive and well.”

Curtis breathed out long and deep. _Thank god._ Veronica had been a wreck since her little brother went missing, and he didn’t know how Colleen had survived Katie’s loss on top of everything else. Honestly, ever since Shiro had crash-landed and then disappeared again on that strange robotic blue … cat thing … the whole Garrison had been in chaos.

There was only one reason Curtis knew it had been Shiro in the alien shuttle, and that was because he’d tapped into the camera feed. But he had no idea what the robot was or where it had gone or why Shiro would go to all the trouble to get back to Earth only to leave without speaking to anyone. And then Katie, Lance, Keith, and the other cadet … what was his nickname? Hunk? … had disappeared as well. And now Sam had come back. The whole Garrison vibrated with speculation.

“I have so many questions,” Curtis said.

Sam nodded and patted his shoulder.

“And I have so many answers.”

 

#             #             #

 

The first time Curtis saw Shiro again, it was after the Galra invasion when the paladins and the Alteans were brought back to base by the ground troops. He’d stood next to Veronica, bracing himself for what he’d see when Shiro got out of the vehicle. Curtis knew that Shiro had lost an arm and that part of his hair had turned white from the stress of captivity, so he’d braced himself to see the man he'd waited so long for, broken by the passage of time.

Instead, the moment Shiro stepped out of the rover, Curtis’s heart had stuttered in his chest and his jaw had dropped.

_Holy shit. He’s hot as hell._

Curtis’s whole body felt as if it had caught on fire. Yes, Shiro looked different -- the arm wasn’t a prosthetic, it was _gone_ , and the hair wasn’t partially white, it was _all_ white -- but none of that made any difference. Curtis should have been captivated by the princess and her orange-haired companion – the first aliens he’d ever seen in person – but he couldn’t take his eyes off Shiro.

For the first time, a thought formed in his mind.

_I’m going to marry that man if it’s the last thing I ever do._


	3. Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another "first", this time from a 14 year old Shiro's POV as he struggles through a lesson with his hot tutor and finally admits to himself that he's gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * gets a wee bit explicit ... not too much though   
> * Shiro hasn't yet gotten his nickname

**Chapter Four -** _Lessons_

(Takashi, age 14)

 

Two lessons Takashi’s father intended to teach:

  * If you wish to control others, you must first control yourself.
  * The reputation of a thousand years may be determined by the conduct of one hour.



Two lessons Takashi’s father taught without intention:

  * You must not disappoint me.
  * You always disappoint me.



 

Takashi sat in the Garrison library next to his tutor, the tall, dark-skinned boy Commander Holt had set him up with. He still couldn’t believe he was in this position, in need of academic support. His failure was a stain upon his entry into the Galaxy Garrison, and the mere recollection of his last exam was enough to fill him with shame and self-loathing. He’d never failed an exam before.

_Never._

Commander Holt had regarded his devastation with sympathy. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, Takashi. It takes time to adjust to new surroundings, and Linguistics is an especially difficult subject to master when you’re filtering the information through not one, but two, languages. A tutor will help you bring your grade up in no time.”

Takashi had only just transferred from the Japanese military academy a few weeks ago. His father, General Shirogane, had always intended to send him to America, but he’d kept Takashi in Japan until his mother passed away. Now she was gone, and he needed to prove himself, but instead he’d been picked on by the other boys, he’d given in to bouts of grief, sobbing into his pillow late at night, and he’d failed an exam. He was so ashamed that he could hardly bear to look at the boy next to him.

The boy – Curtis – was at the top of his class and spoke eight different languages. He was well-developed, popular, and he’d probably never once sobbed into a pillow. As Takashi frowned, Curtis turned the pages of the textbook, illuminating key passages with a highlighter as he explained the material, his voice deep and soothing.

_Why isn’t my voice deep yet?_ Takashi wondered bitterly. _How long will it take?_

He was almost a foot shorter than the other cadets in his class. His father had assured him that the men in their family often hit their growth spurts late, but all Takashi could hear was his father’s impatience with his failure to conform. How would such a measly, wiry son ever reach the pinnacles of success? If Takashi could have willed himself to grow taller and stronger, he would have. He needed to spend more time in the gym. Curtis probably went to the gym every day because he had excellent shoulders, broad and strong.

Takashi sighed thinking about those fine shoulders. He watched Curtis’s lips as he read and couldn’t help observing that Curtis had beautiful shoulders _and_  gorgeous lips. The boy’s lips were full and wide, dark against his white teeth.

_What would it feel like to kiss such incredible lips?_

He imagined leaning in and …  _No. Scrap that._

Curtis would lean towards _him_. That way, it wouldn’t be Shiro’s fault at all. Plus, it wouldn’t make any difference that he didn’t have the first clue what to do when it came to kissing. His military school in Japan had been an all-boys academy and none of them had kissed.

_Was he the only one who’d wanted to?_

“Takashi, are you paying attention? Did that passage make sense?” Curtis studied him with those huge, blue eyes. They were the most exotic eyes Takashi had ever seen. He could imagine staring into them for hours.

_After kissing?_

_Yes, after kissing for a very long time._

_With tongues?_

_Mmmm. No. Maybe not. That kind of sounded gross. Except, if it were Curtis’s tongue and it gently parted his lips, tasting Takashi’s mouth, then maybe …_

“Yes. I’m paying attention,” he lied. “Thank you for teaching me.”

Takashi felt as if his insides were under attack. These were not the proper thoughts to entertain when he needed to learn Linguistics. From now on, he _would_ pay attention because he _must_ get one hundred percent on his next exam. He must be disciplined and focused.

_And normal._

It was a fact that some people were attracted to the same sex, but Takashi had already decided that he would not be one of them. His father did not like non-conformity. Since the majority of people were attracted to the opposite sex, and the purpose of sex was to procreate (otherwise it was an indulgence that distracted from the achievement of excellence) then he must be heterosexual.

 “Shall we move ahead to the next section?” Curtis asked, cutting into his thoughts.

Takashi nodded, more determined than ever to ignore Curtis’s beautiful lips and his perfect shoulders, and most of all the heat of his rich, dark skin.

_What would that skin look like with nothing on?_

No. No, no, no.

Focus.

What would his father tell him? “The mind is stronger than the body, and both must be honed until they are as sharp as the Samurai’s blade.”

_Except … (whine) there could be nakedness._

Takashi frowned, staring at the words on the page as Curtis’s finger traced the lines. That same finger could trace the planes of Takashi’s body. Not that there were many planes yet, but someday, when he’d gotten taller and worked out a lot more, he’d have abs. And chest muscles. Then there would be nakedness. No question.

_Would it really happen, though?_

“Try the next question on your own,” Curtis said, and Takashi nodded as if he’d been listening. He got the question wrong, of course, and his face flared with mortification.

“It’s okay,” Curtis said. “Sometimes it takes several tries to grasp something.” 

Curtis was being so kind and patient, but what if Curtis was secretly angry?

_What if Curtis said that Takashi must make up for his lack of attention? What if the older boy ordered him to get on his knees and unzip the fly of his jeans?_

_No, wait. Back up._

First, _Curtis would take his shirt off. And_ then _he’d tell Takashi to take his shirt off, too. Because the whole thing would be better without shirts._

_Then Takashi would get on his knees and he’d unzip Curtis’s fly and Curtis would order Takashi to suck him off. Takashi would have no choice but to do so because it was wrong to disobey orders._

_He’d lean forward and Curtis would thread his fingers into Takashi’s hair, pulling him close._

_And then …_

“You seem like you’re having trouble concentrating today, Takashi. Did something happen that’s upset you? I know the other boys can be awful sometimes, but you’ll make friends. It just takes time.”

Curtis’s smile was so warm and composed. Takashi’s cheeks heated and he accidentally dropped his notebook on the floor. Papers spilled out and Takashi took a moment to lean down and collect them, letting his body cool down. He wanted to wither up into dust and disappear.

There was no way Curtis couldn’t see through him. And eventually, his father would see through him, too.

For the first time, Takashi admitted to himself what he’d suspected for a while now. He was gay. Definitely gay. It was one thing to admire other boys – maybe even to feel attracted to them -- but it was another thing entirely to want to get on his knees for them.

Curtis’s hand brushed his back and Takashi shivered.

“I’m not feeling well,” he lied. “Perhaps we could meet at another time?”

“Of course,” Curtis said, and then he paused and looked Takashi right in the eyes. “Anything you want.”

_Anything?_

Takashi stifled a groan.

His mind could conjure up a lot of possibilities – far too many -- but he would master his wayward thoughts. He’d go home and meditate. Work out at the gym.

After all, what was it his father had always said?

_Even the head of a sardine can become holy with devotion._


	4. Pining Again? No, still.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter in which it is revealed that Shiro does not think he's hot. :-(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place during the months between Season 7 & 8 when the Atlas is docked on Earth and they are rebuilding after the Galra invasion.
> 
> * In order for this chapter to make sense, you need to have read Worth Waiting For, which is posted separately.

**Chapter 5**

_Pining. Again? No, Still._

 

“Are you pining again?” Matt Holt snuck up behind Curtis and smacked him in the head. “Seriously, this is getting to be a problem.”

It had been a long time since Curtis had seen Matt. He’d heard his voice on the coms and spoken to him on video calls, but this was the first time he’d seen him in person. He’d known that Matt was coming home to help out with the rebuilding of Earth’s cities while the Atlas was docked, but no one had told Curtis he’d gotten in already.

Curtis leaped to his feet and tackled his friend in a hug, and if he held him a bit too long and hugged him a bit too hard, who could blame him? When he finally let go, he gave Matt a shove. “You Jackass. First time we see each other in freakin’ forever and you have to lead with that?” But he was laughing, and Matt was, too.

The crew of the Atlas were all outside, eating chips and sandwiches during a break from rebuilding a hospital. Shiro had signed the crew up for the job as a team building opportunity and to encourage everyone to help out with a great cause. Since the weather was gorgeous, it also gave them all a chance to soak up the sunshine. They’d worked hard that morning, and now the crew was taking a well-earned lunch break, relaxing on picnic blankets that the local people had set up.

Everyone except Shiro, of course. He was still using his mechanical arm to pass heavy materials up to the workers on the scaffolding. And if the man was going to flex his muscles, while sweating, then Curtis could hardly be blamed for staring.

Veronica stood up and gave Matt a tackle-hug, and then Lance, Hunk, and Keith took their turns greeting him. Pidge just punched him in the arm.

“So wait,” Lance said, “who’s Curtis pining for?”

Veronica snorted. “Who do you think?” Her eyes drifted over to Shiro, and everyone else’s eyes followed. Curtis felt his face go red, and the tips of his ears burned. “And Matt,” Veronica added, “just so you know … it’s not that he’s pining _again_. It’s more like he’s _still_ pining.”

“Hey,” Curtis said, but honestly, could he really protest when it was true?

“Curtis has a thing for Shiro?” Hunk asked, raising one eyebrow. He turned to give Curtis a hurt stare. “You never told me that.” Out of all the paladins, Hunk was the one Curtis had spent the most time with. He’d been teaching him the fundamentals of Pakistani cuisine, and they’d gotten along really well. According to Hunk, sharing a love of cooking practically made them blood brothers.

Matt sat down on the picnic blanket and draped an arm around Hunk. “Oh no, no, no. This is much more than a ‘thing’. Curtis has been in love with Shiro since before Kerberos, and Shiro owes him a date. The night before the Kerberos mission Shiro asked him out, and Curtis promised to wait for him until he got back. So romantic.”

Matt fluttered his eyelashes, adopting a sappy voice. But then he added, “Only now Shiro has been back for a while and he hasn’t said a word about it.”

Curtis closed his eyes and counted to ten. _Must. Not. Combust. From. Embarrassment._

It was a hot day out, but the breeze felt good against his skin. The sounds of people’s voices and heavy construction filled the air, but there were new sounds as well. Alien sounds. Little by little, aliens were finding their way to Earth and helping to rebuild, making this the hub for what Sam hoped would one day become the Galaxy Coalition.

Curtis opened his eyes, then narrowed them at Matt. “Do you realize that you’ve been back for less than five minutes and you’re already driving me crazy? You do know that by the end of the day, the entire Atlas crew will have heard about this? It’s a guarantee, seeing as a certain paladin is here.”

“Not it.”

“Not it.”

“Not it.”

“Hey!” Lance glared.

Matt’s eyes twinkled with an evil gleam. “Then my work here is done.”

“So wait a minute,” Lance said. “Shiro made a promise that he hasn’t made good on? That’s just wrong!”

“Yeah, well he’s been a bit busy since you guys got back,” Curtis said.  “And honestly, I doubt he even remembers that night. It was years ago.”

“Oh no, he remembers,” Veronica said. “This actually explains a lot. I always wondered why he’s so … fumbly … around you. I mean, he’s great on the bridge and all, but whenever he sees you outside of work, he drops stuff.”

“Like the glass of Altean punch he spilled all over his white uniform?” Hunk said.

“And the day he got clocked in the head during training practice because he dropped his sword?” Keith added. “Now that I think of it, Curt, you’d just walked in, hadn’t you?”

“Oh, and don’t forget the day he dropped that highly calibrated stratoscope!”

Veronica studied Curtis. “I’m your best friend. Why did you never tell me this before?”

“Because _I’m_ his best friend?” Matt suggested. Veronica rolled her eyes.

Curtis sighed. “Maybe I didn’t tell you about the date thing because Shiro was presumed dead, and then he was alive, but he disappeared again on the blue lion, and then he was back but now he’s our Captain. Speaking of which, it would probably make him intensely uncomfortable if he thought his crew was sitting around talking about his love life.”

Lance snorted. “More like, lack thereof.”

“And maybe,” Curtis added, glaring at each of them in turn, “ _since he’s our Captain now_ , he wouldn’t want to bring it up because the Garrison frowns upon fraternization between ranks. Assuming he even remembers the stupid date thing to begin with. Which I’m sure he doesn’t.”

Hunk made a face. “Did you just say ‘fraternization’?”

“Did you just say ‘frowns upon’?” Pidge added.

Matt laughed. “Pathetic excuses.” Then he shook his head. “But unfortunately, Curtis does have a point because we all know that it would practically kill Shiro to knowingly break a rule, and the Garrison does forbid relationships between superiors and underlings, so … Curtis, you’ll probably need to wait a bit longer for you date. Another sixty years should do it. Who knows, maybe Shiro will take early retirement.”

Curtis wasn’t sure how to respond, but he was saved from having to try by the approach of a young Lorantian non-binary from the communications staff. “Lieutenant Khasani? Do you speak Jarfuzian? There’s a crew in the parking area with a delivery, but no one can figure out what they’re saying.”

“Oh thank God,” Curtis muttered, just loud enough for the others to hear him. “I’m saved from these meddling fools.” He turned to the Lorantian and plastered on a smile. “Sure. I’m not fluent, but I can get by.” Then he stood up, brushed the dirt off his pants, and shot Matt the finger as he turned around. “I’ll catch up with you later. See if you can refrain from creating trouble until I get back.”

 

#             #             #

 

Shiro watched Curtis get up and walk away from the group. His stomach churned because he knew what was coming, and there was probably no avoiding it. From the moment Matt arrived and sat down with the group, Shiro had suspected he was going to be in trouble. In fact, Shiro had been about to take a lunch break and he’d planned on biting the bullet and sitting down with everyone even though Curtis was with them. He’d act natural. Composed. Captain-like, but also friendly.

_Aww, hell. He had no idea how to strike that balance._

But as soon as he’d seen Matt, he’d suddenly found himself incredibly busy. _Boy, oh boy, did those planks ever need to be handed up to the workmen. Yup._

Except then Keith whistled and yelled, “Hey, Shiro! Get over here!”

Fine. So he was going to have to deal with this situation.

He took a deep breath and headed over, thankful that Curtis had been called away. If his eyes happened to linger on the man’s ass as Curtis followed the alien who’d come to fetch him, well, that couldn’t be helped. Except somehow Shiro managed to trip on a pallet that appeared out of **nowhere!** and then he dropped the hammer and box of nails he’d been holding and had to waste time picking everything up.

_Fuck it all._

“Nice one, Shirogane. Smooth, very smooth,” Matt said.

Shiro scratched his chin with his middle finger. He’d never do that in front of the rest of his crew, but no one besides Veronica could see him right now.

Lance stood with both hands on his hips, and as usual, he wasted no time beating around the bush. “Matt says you owe Curtis a date. That you’ve owed him a date for, like, years now.”

“Matt,” Shiro said, keeping his voice level, but packing in as much sarcasm as he could manage. “I’m so glad you’re back.”

Matt grinned. “No stalling. You heard the man. What’s the hold up? Spit it out.” Shiro opened his mouth, but Matt cut him off. “And do not say it’s because you’re the Captain and he’s a crew member because that’s lame. L-A-M-E.”

Shiro’s eyes bugged out. “Protocol isn’t lame, Matt. It’s … it’s protocol!”

Hunk made a buzzer noise. “Eeeh. Sorry. Wrong answer. Romance transcends all rules.”

“Yeah,” Lance echoed, jabbing his thumb in Hunk’s direction. “What he said.”

“And Curtis is a great guy,” Pidge added. “He’s smart, handsome, kind, knows three different forms of martial arts _and_ he can correctly identify a tachyon altometer … what’s not to like?”

Shiro plopped down on the picnic blanket. He wiped the sweat off his forehead with the hem of his shirt and tried to compose his thoughts.

“Is it because you're not attracted to him?” Keith asked.

“What? No. Of course I'm attracted to Curtis. He’s fucking hot – nice. I mean … good at his job. ”

The others laughed and Veronica smirked. “Well … then … a date with a nice guy who is * _cough*_ good at his job _*cough*_ wouldn’t hurt, would it? You know perfectly well that no one follows the Garrison's fraternization rules.”

Shiro breathed in deep. “Come on, guys. Do not make me spell this out for you.” He paused, waiting for their moment of revelation. Any minute now it would click, and they’d realize the obvious reasons why Shiro was not relationship material. He waited, but when everyone just stared back at him, he gestured to his body. “Seriously. Look at me.”

There was another long, drawn-out silence.

Finally, Pidge shook her head. “Sorry, Shiro, but we’re not following. What are we missing?”

_What were they missing? It was freaking staring them in the face!_

“I have white hair," he spat. "And a metal arm. And scars. Lots and lots of scars.”

The eyes of the people around him went comically wide, and he might have laughed if he wasn’t baring his soul.

“W-w-wait a minute.” Lance made a cutting motion with his hand. “Are you saying that you don’t think you’re hot? Because it seems like that’s what you’re saying, only that would be completely, incredibly, and totally absurd.”

“It’s not absurd,” Shiro groaned. “Hello?” He gestured to his body again, this time with more emphasis.

“Holy crap,” Matt breathed. “I don’t even know what to say here. I’m at a loss for words.”

Pidge snorted. “That never happens.”

“Shiro? Is that really what you think?” Veronica asked.

“Of course it’s what I think. It’s what’s true.”  

This was getting ridiculous. If he didn’t know his friends so well, he’d think they were being purposefully cruel.

Finally, Veronica cleared her throat. “Well, I wasn’t going to tell you this, but … a while ago there was a poll going around on the Atlas rating the hottest Commanders in the Coalition, and you won, hands down. Considering that the poll was taken by no less than nine different alien species, that’s saying something. Don’t you think?”

Shiro’s brows dipped. “ _I_ won?” He paused, considering. “That’s totally inappropriate, by the way. In the future, you should report that kind of activity to me immediately.”

“Good, Shiro,” Matt said, clapping him on the back. “Really good. Way to miss the forest for the trees.”

Shiro frowned, but he was outnumbered.

“They’re right,” Keith said. “The arm, the hair, the scars … they don’t make you any less attractive. In fact, some people might say they actually _add_ to your appeal.”

“Et tu, Brutus?” Shiro fixed the man with his most withering stare, but Keith just shrugged.

Shiro wanted to punch something. He hated admitting stuff like this, but he could tell that his friends wouldn’t be put off by anything other than the full truth. So he took a deep breath. “Listen … it isn’t just … vanity. Or my rank. The truth is, I’m … not a good catch. Even if someone could get past all of the physical stuff, which would be asking a lot, there’s also the nightmares. No one wants a guy who screams in bed for all the wrong reasons.”

Pidge covered her ears. “Ahhh! I can’t believe you just said that!”

“Well, you guys are the ones who brought it up!”

“No one brought up screaming in bed, dude,” Hunk said. “That was all you.”

Shiro’s prosthetic hand balled into a fist. Ignoring their theatrics, he continued. “There’s also the scars. You guys haven’t seen them all and some of them are … bad. Really bad.”

“We all have scars,” Keith said.

“Not like these,” Shiro growled. “Oh, and did I forget to mention the part where I’m mentally bonded to a space ship? My link with Atlas is new, and she’s a lot younger than the lions, so she doesn’t always understand the concept of privacy.”

“Are you saying that when you have sex --”

“I’m not saying anything about having sex!” Shiro’s voice had risen a touch too loud, and several crew members looked over. _Great. Just fucking great._ He lowered his voice. “What I’m saying is that, all in all, I’m not someone I’d wish on my worst enemy. Curtis is a great guy. He’s perfect, actually, and eventually someone will snatch him up. They’ll be really lucky and he’ll be really happy. That’s what he deserves.”

“And in the meantime, you’ll live as a monk for the rest of your life?” Hunk asked.

Shiro shrugged. “I don’t know. Probably.” He sighed. “Listen guys, I think this was plenty of conversation on this topic, so let’s drop it. Besides, I should get back to work. Can’t exactly inspire the troops if I’m lying around shirking my responsibilities.”

“It’s called a lunch break,” Hunk muttered.

Shiro tried to force a smile, but he knew it came out wrong. “See you guys later.”

 

#             #             #

 

The group watched as Shiro went back to work, tackling his tasks with a vengeance. He seemed to be pushing himself twice as hard now, as if that would make up for his lapse of vulnerability.

Matt shook his head, for once not showing his characteristic grin. “Well, that was one of the saddest things I’ve heard in a long time.”

“I know,” Lance agreed. “I can’t believe Shiro doesn’t think he’s hot.”

“Trauma can warp a person’s perspective.” Veronica sighed. “It’s easy to forget how much he’s been through. I mean, he hides stuff so well and on the Atlas he’s just so …”

“In control?” Pidge said. “Yup. That’s how he’s always been.”

“Except when he isn’t,” Keith added.

“So what do we do?” Hunk asked. “Because we need to do something. Shiro can _not_ turn into a celibate monk who spends his whole life seeking revelations of the truth all the while never seeing the epiphany of his own hotness.”

Matt raised an eyebrow. “Hunk, that was beautiful.”

“Thank you. I try.”

They were quiet for a moment until finally Lance’s expression filled with determination. “Guys,” he said, “we have defeated Zarkon. We have toppled an entire Galra fleet. We have pummeled robeasts into the ground. If we can do all of that, then we can set up Shiro and Curtis.” He paused, sticking his hand into the center of the circle. “Team. We need to form Lovetron.”

A chorus of groans rained down upon Lance and Veronica smacked him in the head.

“Man, that was horrible!”

“Worst pun ever.”

“You never get to name anything. Ever again.”

“How the hell did _you_ ever save the universe?”

“Fine,” Lance said, his hand left hanging. “Be that way. You all have no romance in your souls.”

Despite being the loudest complainer, Hunk set his hand on top of Lance’s. “Okay, okay. I’m in. Who else is with us?”

One by one, six hands piled on top of one another.

Lance’s chest swelled with pride. He knew the others secretly loved his name for their mission even if they’d never admit it. “It’s official,” he said. “Operation Lovetron has begun.”


	5. A Still Lake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Curtis wakes up mad at the world, but ends with clarity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * timeline is still during the months of Earth rehab between seasons 7 & 8 while Atlas is docked for repairs  
> * will make the most sense if you've read the previous material starting with Worth Waiting For ...

**Chapter Six**

**A Still Lake**

 

Curtis was in a mood. A pissed-off, mad-at-the-world (but mostly at the Galra) shit-kicking kind of mood. He’d woken up that morning thinking about his older brother’s death. Maybe he’d dreamed about him and didn’t remember it? His brother had been a pilot in the Royal Air Force, and he’d been shot down during the Galra invasion.

When the Atlas had first docked, Curtis had taken two weeks of personal time to travel home for the funerals of his brother, his uncle, two cousins, and his grandfather. He’d been lucky to get the time off. Everyone had lost people in the war, so requests for leave were numerous, and with all the major airports destroyed, the only way to travel overseas was by military transport. Somehow, he’d been approved to go. Curtis suspected that Shiro had pulled some strings, although the man would never admit it.

He was grateful. Attending the funerals had been … cathartic. Sort of.

The death that haunted him the most was his grandfather. This one should have been the easiest to accept since he’d been old and had lived a long, full life. Instead, it made Curtis too angry for words. Momo had been his morfar – his Swedish mother’s father. He’d gotten his blue eyes from Momo. He’d been the softest, gentlest man Curtis had ever known, and yet he’d spent his final days being worked to death in a Galra labor camp. At least the other members of his family had died fighting back. That’s how Curtis would’ve wanted to go.

He’d been sitting on the gym mat stretching for a long time, lost in his own thoughts, and he wondered if anyone had noticed. Probably not. The sounds of sparring, grunts of weightlifters, and the low hum of the cardio machines filled the room. Along with that _oh-so-familiar_ odor of sweaty socks.

Nothing changed here at the Garrison.

So why did it feel so strange to be back after living on board the Atlas? Must feel _really_ strange to Shiro. The other paladins had families nearby (or in Keith’s case, his family had come to _him_ ), so they were staying with them, but Shiro had no one. The Holts had tried to convince him to stay with them, but Shiro had said he needed to be at the Garrison. You know … heavy workload and all.

_Riiiight._

Pidge said the real reason was that he had nightmares which got pretty loud at times, so he probably didn’t want Sam and Colleen to know about them and he didn’t want Matt to feel survivor’s guilt.

Of course, that meant Shiro had stayed at the Garrison making himself easy prey for every boring meeting, opportunistic politician, and bureaucratic pencil-pusher. Not to mention Shiro had acquiesced to every demand the joint chiefs made for psychological testing, neurological testing, physical testing, Altean arm testing, and whatever the hell the word was for evaluating a mental link to a space ship testing …

Three-quarters of it was bullshit. Bull-fucking-shit. Anyone with eyes could see that the man needed to rest before resuming the battle. Spend time in therapy. Have someone take care of him for a change. But no. Instead, everyone asked more and more of him, and Shiro always said yes.

Curtis’s hands shook and his jaw clenched. He needed to stop thinking about Shiro, and he needed to stop thinking about all of the things that made him angry – all of the things he couldn’t change about the last four and a half years. He cracked his neck to the side, then stood and walked out to the center of an open mat. Tai-Chi would clear his head.

There weren’t many good things about being a United Nations kid who’d lived in nine different countries by the time he was twelve, but being fluent in lots of languages and excelling in multiple forms of martial arts were two things on the “good” list. He loved Tai-Chi because it centered him. It was the best thing he’d picked up from his year in China.

Curtis settled his stance and breathed in through his nose.

_Deep breaths._

_Spine straight._

_Breathe from the abdomen._

_Focus the mind._

_Or … not?_

Curtis couldn’t help tacking on one more thought to his previous mental rampage. Thank god the Garrison had given Shiro a new room. He suspected that had more to do with Shiro’s rank rather than any respect for how terrible it would have made Shiro feel to go back to the room he’d once shared with Adam, but whatever … at least they’d done it.

He couldn’t help wondering if any of the people in power, besides Sam, stopped to think about Shiro’s well-being? Yes, there was still a war going on and they needed him, but at what point was a person entitled to some rest? And if Shiro refused to rest, why the hell didn’t people force him to do what was good for him? Stand up to him, for god’s sake! People treated Shiro like he was supposed to be invincible (largely because he let them) but he was a human being who’d been through hell only to return to find out that both his ex-lover and his father had died. He shouldn’t even be here; he ought to be in Japan right now. Mourning.

Curtis scowled and tried again to let the thoughts go.

_Straighten the spine._

_Breathe deep._

_Focus the mind._

_Yeah. Right._

One last thought ... at least General Shirogane had lived long enough to know that his son was still alive and that the “pilot error” story had been false. If he’d died thinking that Shiro had failed on that historic mission, taking two brilliant scientists with him, that would’ve killed Shiro. Curtis suspected it might have been the last straw. One final opportunity for the Galra to break him.

A low noise formed in his throat. No, it wasn’t a growl, but it was damn close.

“Wow. That is some angry looking Tai-Chi.” Veronica’s comment interrupted his less-than-stellar routine. “I thought Tai-Chi was supposed to be peaceful.”

Curtis felt his cheeks heat. _Busted._ “It is,” he said, “but I can’t seem to get my mind into it today. Woke up pissed-off and I’ve spiraled from there.”

“Well, that sucks for you, but it’s good for me,” Veronica said, “because now I don’t feel bad about interrupting you.”

Curtis began walking through the mechanics of a form. Better to go through the moves sloppily than not at all. “What’s up?” he asked.

“Nothing much,” Veronica said, far too casually. “The usual. New work crews were announced, there’s going to be a seminar on human-alien relations, the overhaul of the Atlas is coming along well, and oh wait, did I mention I found out why Shiro’s been avoiding your date?”

Curtis had just moved one leg up to his knee, but now he lost his balance and fell on his ass. “Excuse me?”

“Yup. That’s what I thought might happen.” Veronica laughed, plunking down on the mat across from him. “Shiro told us after you left the other day.”

“So, he _does_ remember?”

“Of course he does, you idiot.” Veronica shook her head. “And here’s his reason … apparently, Shiro doesn’t think he’s relationship material anymore. He thinks you deserve better than him because of … well … all of it: the hair, the arm, the scars, the nightmares. Even his bond with Atlas was on the list. He says, and I quote, he wouldn’t wish himself on his worst enemy. Whereas, he thinks _you_ are perfect and if he avoids you long enough, eventually someone else will whisk you away to the everlasting happiness you’re entitled to.”

“Fucking hell!” Curtis’s jaw dropped open and he had to force himself to shut it again.

“I know,” Veronica said. “My brother and the Twerpettes have this whole plan to set you guys up. Lance is calling it …” Veronica snorted, momentarily overcome with laughter “… Operation Lovetron. They have code names and top secret strategies to get you guys locked someplace together. They’re even skulking around using these old hand-held communicators, like in the dark ages.”

“If their plans are top secret, how do you know about them?”

“Oh, I’m supposed to be in on it. But I’ve decided I’d rather be a double agent. Do you know how much Lance would gloat if you and Shiro got together and Operation Lovetron got credit? If nothing else, we’d be stuck hearing that stupid name for years to come. And really, they may think they’re special now that they’re paladins, but since one of them is my little brother, that means they’re totally just cadets to me. Do you honestly think I’d align myself with cadets over my fellow officers?”

Curtis laughed. “V, I am so glad you’re on our side. I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be on your shit list.”

“True,” Veronica said, nodding sagely. “Besides, the cherry on top is that if you and Shiro were to get together without them, then while they’re busy making their ‘top secret plans’, you two could thwart them at every turn and it would drive Lance bonkers.”

“Wow,” Curtis said, “all this time I’ve known you, and I never before understood what an evil older sister you are.”

“Aww, Curtis. That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Veronica stood up. “Now, I hope I’ve given you all that you need. If you don’t get that man now, then you are hopeless and I wash my hands of you.”

Curtis stood up as well. He leaned in and kissed Veronica on the cheek. “Don’t tell Matt, but you’re totally my best friend.” He grinned. “And yes, you’ve given me all that I need.”

Veronica narrowed her eyes. “I know you tell Matt the same thing in reverse.”

But she was smiling when she left.

Once he was on his own again, Curtis stood in the center of the mat, contemplating.

 _Huh. So, it appeared that someone_ **was** _going to stand up to Takashi Shirogane, and it was going to be him._

This time, when Curtis began his form, his mind was crystal clear, a still lake on a day with no wind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * The next chapter will be posted as a New Work because it will involve sexy times, and I will need to put a new series of tags and ratings on it.


End file.
